J0284916 I love my children. In fact, so much so that I would probably do just about anything for them. Having kids changed me as a person and the change was instantaneous. I went from the sheer agony of birthing the baby to pure, ecstatic love the moment my babies were placed in my arms.

Having kids made me realize that my heart had infinite capabilities for love.
Having kids made me realize the fierceness and protectiveness I never knew I had.

And now that my children are getting bigger (12 and 7), I often question my sanity and my capacity for “murder.” LOL! I have awesome kids. Both boys are affectionate, loving, confident, stubborn, and spirited. The energies that come off of them is in over abundance. At times the over-abundant energy is great, sometimes… not so much.

Me and the Hubs, we want to do right. We want to do our part to raise good boys who grow into good men. But, holy moley, there are times when these boys run us ragged. I’ve come to realize in these last few weeks of arguing and of tears that even when it seems like I can’t do it anymore, there is more, and I just have to dig deep.

I have to trust that what we’ve taught our boys so far is in there somewhere — floating around in their minds, amidst their ego driven desires to take over our house. Hahaha! One day, my husband and I may just give in and hand them the keys to the house, but not yet and not today. We all still have much to learn from each other and we’re all growing together as a family.

Despite the days of yelling and wondering what happened to my children’s brains, there is deep, deep love between all of us.

Having kids has made me question my sanity.
Having kids has given me the privileged of seeing what unconditional love truly looks like.


1419862788k6xq4 I should be writing my next book, but I’m finding that many things are getting in the way. I can say that I’m a busy wife and mom; that I have a lot of responsibilities; that I don’t have time, and whatever other reason comes to me at the time.

But truth is, my fear is keeping me from moving forward.

It’s like the picture on this post, but instead of me being one of the two people at the end of a dark street, I’m at the other end — looking ahead, but not taking a step to move. I’m too fearful of what may come at me. I’m too fearful of the things hiding in the shadows. I’m too fearful of the things I can’t see. (long sigh).

I’m doing something about it. Finally. I’ve mentioned before I’m re-evaluating and this is an area I’m working on. I realize that I may always be fearful. It’s just how I’m built. I’m a worrier. Everyone I know tells me so. But maybe I can learn to push through these fears and push beyond my comfort zone. I have to. How can I possibly expect the Universe to trust me with their gifts, when I can’t even trust myself?

It’s time to grow and evolve 🙂

It’s all good

file000370427840 Lately, the Universe has been trying to tell me something. The good thing is that I’ve actually been listening.

You see, the last few years for me has been difficult to say the least. I was caught in a spin cycle of financial worries, health worries over family members, stress from the job, on and on and on. There have been many days, when I would just break down crying. I’m a tough cookie, but even I reached my limits. I felt defeated, beat up, and I couldn’t see a way out. My perspective on life got bleaker and bleaker.

Today, my situation is a little bit better, but the problems are not gone. They are still there, but what changed is me. I stopped fighting. I stopped chasing. I finally got it through my thick skull that I can’t prevent or undo certain things. God is mightier than I. Not that I ever thought I was, but in my stubbornness to do things my way, I was basically saying I was better than God! Sheez! I never realized I was such an ego-maniac. LOL!

After getting my bum whooped, I have chosen to trust, let go, and let God.

Since doing that I keep getting these messages that in the midst of darkness, brightness will come.
That I’ll be okay, but more than that, everything else will be okay. The lesson is that “it’s all good!” even when things seem like they can’t get any worse, there is a reason to trust and let go. Because in that difficulty, the other side is glory.

I’m taking a deep breath and I’m stepping back and allowing the Universe to help me. I’m opening up and letting go of the resistance to do things my way.

I have not seen the glory yet, but I’m already seeing the light break through the shadows I’ve been surrounded by for so long. It is all good and I believe it will keep getting better 🙂

Take care, don’t give up, and keep believing.
We are supported by infinite blessings. Sometimes, we just don’t understand the mode of transport for those blessing to reveal themselves.

Live Inspired

candle It seems in the past few years, I’ve lit this virtual candle too many times for my own comfort to honor the memories of those I’ve lost.

With each loss, the prevailing thought in my mind was always feeling like my loved ones time was not long enough and it makes me regretful and sad. Then I look and I see my children thriving and that brings me out of my stupor and I tell myself I gotta do better. I gotta live and do right — for my kids, for my family… because if my time is cut short, my wish is that I would have made even a small positive difference somehow — especially with my kids.

This video was shared with me and it is so true to what I’ve been feeling that I had to share it as well. I hope this gives you the inspiration it gave me 🙂


Trusting and Letting Go

file221289486335 In my last post, I talked about letting go of my fears. I’m still working on that. Shedding something that has been a part of you for your whole life does not happen over night. It takes work and reminders everyday.

I catch myself constantly shrinking back and wanting to go to my safe place. Sometimes I can push through, sometimes I can’t. But I keep working at it. In this work, the other thing I’ve realized is that I have an issue with CONTROL. It makes sense really. If I can control everything, then I have nothing to fear. I think it goes hand in hand. When I feel in control, I have plans A through Z that will allow me to dodge any risks and dangers. I’m prepared. I’m ready. But the drawback is, I’m never relaxed. I’m always on the look out so that I can be ready to launch my “counter attack.”

Can you imagine, how exhausting this is? Believe me, when I say, it is terribly exhausting. Having the need to control is wearing me out physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even chemically. It’s led to anxiety problems and physical pain. While I’m functional and can get through the day, every hour feels like survival.

I’ve had to start taking anti-depressants to help. I’m not ashamed to admit it. My perception that I needed to control everything, is leading me towards deterioration and I’m not ready to go there yet.

So now, I’m not only embracing my fears, but I’m learning to trust and ASK FOR HELP. This may seem stupid or weird to some, but asking for help, is extremely difficult for me. It’s connected to one of my fears — rejection. But I can’t do it alone anymore. Sure, I may still get rejected and seriously that would hurt me, but I’m pretty sure I’ll survive and get over it 🙂

The great thing about asking for help is that divine help is also available. Yesterday, I was having a moment and I let go… I gave my problems over to God. Typically, like everyone else, nothing happens, except that I feel a little better after having prayed about it. But yesterday, I got a message (an email with a phone number), I called back, and that call actually provided me some options to an issue I’ve been dealing with. It was great and I was provided with options I wasn’t aware of before. It was amazing. I felt instantly hopeful.

I asked and I got help. THANK YOU, GOD!!

Again, this is confirmation that I’m on the right path. I’m learning to be more aware and going back to gratitude even in the hardest times. It doesn’t mean, things don’t suck, but changing my perspective, letting go, and allowing miracles to happen is opening up my life. It will for you too 🙂

Take care.

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