Both my boys are now out of school for the summer. One more year has passed and in just a couple of months, they’ll be entering another school year.
For my younger son (9 yo), he’s going to be officially a big kid in school. He’ll be in 4th grade where the expectations will increase significantly. I have no doubts he’ll handle himself well and will continue to be successful in school. For him, I don’t worry about class work. What I do worry about is his need to be liked by friends. He’s at an awkward age and he tries so hard to be “accepted.” He would give up the shirt on his back, if it meant he was going to be “liked.” I love his generous heart, but I worry about his motivations. I’ve tried to explain to him to be himself. He’s great as he is, but there’s this part of him that tries too hard with friends. Part of it, I know comes from being the younger brother and trying to keep up with his older sibling. To be considered “cool” by his older brother. It’s a constant with them. The younger one tries to act tough, but I know it gets to him. I’m hoping that one day, he’ll be comfortable just doing his own thing and not compare himself to big-brother.
For my older son (14 yo), he’s going to be a freshman in high school. I’m worried. The 8th grade was rough… for me. There were lots of moments when I went crazy — mostly over grades. He’s a teen and is getting into teen things like having a girlfriend and wanting to be with friends all the time. His attention and focus is on everything but school. He enjoys school for the social aspects of it. The academics (for him) get in the way. It’s very frustrating as a parent. The kid is smart and talented. I told him to use his powers for good. LOL! He could rule the world if he only applied himself.
I guess the school year is making me nostalgic. Kids grow up too fast. I know every parent says this, but it’s true. I have tons of baby pictures around the house and I look at those now and wonder what happened to the time. It literally feels just like yesterday when I was still cradling them in my arms. When I was tired from no sleep, but taking care of them was easy. Back then it was only about making sure they were fed, they slept, and their diapers were clean. Now… while they can take care of themselves for the simple things, their growth also brings about more complex life experiences.
As a parent, I feel like I have to be ahead of the game. I have to know what to do. So that when they have pre-teen and teen problems, I can be wise and sage-like and provide great advice. Like my mom used to with me and my brother. But, I’m nothing like my mom. I have no patience and I’m easily irritated — especially when I feel like I’m being ignored. Besides my kids’ childhood is so very different from mine. I’m raising them differently than the way I grew up. This isn’t completely intentional. Part of this is adjusting to what my kids respond to. They’re different than how me and my brother were. Different than how my husband and his sister were. The environment they’re growing up in is different. The hubs and I, we try to raise them the old fashioned way. But, let’s face it, a kid growing up in this millennia has so much more exposure. We can only shelter to a certain degree and then the “world” takes over. A lot of times, the hubs and I… we don’t get it. What the heck are they talking about? Where’s the attention span? Why don’t they want to go outside?
So, how do you get ahead of something you don’t understand?
I’m finding that I’m growing as a parent along side my boys. It’s hard. It feels like trial by fire and the stakes are way too high. Most days, I feel like I’m screwing up. Every decision concerning my kids leads to an emotional and mental barrage inside my head. Did I say the right thing? Do the right thing? Was I too hard? Too easy? Why the hell, did I act like that? On and on and on. I don’t ever have an answer for myself. How could I? But what gives me strength and courage to keep doing what I think is right (as a parent) is that people say I have good boys. I believe it. They are good kids with good hearts.
I just wish I had a clue as to what part of my tirades are actually sinking in with my kids. It would make parenting them so much easier. LOL! At this point, I have to rely on repetition. Sometimes repeating at a louder volume. That seems to get their attention quickly. I have no patience, but I have perfected the mom-scowl that says so much. Couple that with my ongoing and loud ministrations about why things are important and hopefully something sticks. Yes, it’s parenting with aggressive vocalizations and a lot of praying behind the scenes, but it’s all I got until I figure out a better way that works for my family.
Point is something is working. They are good boys.
If you find yourself questioning your parenting style or whether you are a good parent or not. Sometimes, you have to listen to what other people see in your kids to get the answer. If you’re getting the thumbs up from their teachers or from other family members, then you’re doing something right. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder.
Parenting is not about being perfect. It’s about being present.
It’s about not giving up even after you’ve said something for the 1000th time.
Parenting is about learning to grow and nourish the most complicated life force on the planet — the children.
Best wishes on your parenting adventure.
