Wow!
I cannot believe it is already September 1st. For the last few years, I’ve had this undeniable sense of time just speeding away. But, I’ve always told myself that it was because I was busy. The family is busy. There’s a lot going on. While some of that still holds true, I feel like I’ve lost days. I suppose, time is all about perspective tho, right?
I’m happy for September nonetheless. It means that Fall is coming and I love Fall. I enjoy the cooler weather. The changing colors and the change you feel in the air and things begin to slow down.
In my last post, I mentioned that I’m back to my seeking path. I haven’t found my way yet, the focus is still blurry and I can’t quite navigate myself at the moment. I’m pretty much just going where the currents take me. I’m learning to trust my gut and most importantly to listen. I have a noisy mind and listening to the Universe’s whispers is not easy. This is new for me because “going on a whim” is not me. Or I should say it’s not me–anymore.
What I’m realizing since returning to this path is that I turned off so much of my real self over the course of my life.
Why?
Because I thought it was the right thing to do. It was what was called for to keep the peace. It was what was needed so as not to get in trouble. It was what was needed to fit in… I conformed to what friends, family, society needed me to be at the time. And guess what? I did a great job of it. But now? I’m realizing there was never anything wrong with who I was before. The things about my nature that I’ve repressed over the years were the most authentic pieces of me. And, I’ve lost those things… and there’s this huge part of me that wonders if that is why I feel stuck. Like I literally have this block, like a slow, thick, fog coursing inside that keeps me away from ??? I don’t know. That’s been the problem. I feel like there’s something just on the other side of my reach, but I can’t get to it. Like when you have a word at the tip of your tongue, but you can’t remember or get it out.
I need to find my hidden self. Those parts of me I turned my back on. The parts of me that I pushed in the closet. Ay-yay-yay. It scares me a bit. Because I don’t even know what I’ll discover. Hopefully, it’ll be like reuniting with an old friend 🙂
Take care and be true to your path.
Photo by Laura Smetsers on Unsplash
