If you ever visit my other blog, you would see that I’ve been listening to a lot of self development audio books. This is my form of cheap therapy! I love it!
Currently, I’m listening to a podcast series from Mel Robbins called “Reinvent Your Life.” If you get a chance to check it out, this is a great one to listen to. She talks about how feelings like sadness and discontent could be signals that there’s a need to reinvent yourself, but reinvention doesn’t mean you’re unhappy about your life. It could be there’s something you want to improve like taking on a goal or a dream that you’ve set aside. Ya know, those dreams and goals that we’ve lost track of because life got too busy. We all have some. Mel Robbins urges us to pay attention to our feelings and use those feelings as a compass. Feelings will point us in the direction we should face. Feelings will lead us to those dreams we tucked away and forgot about.
Our dreams don’t leave us. Our dreams don’t forget.
This podcast series clicked with me because I’ve been churning something in my head for a while now. If all goes well, my goal is to retire (from my day job) in about 4-5 years. But in my retirement, I still want to work — but I would like to do something I enjoy and can be passionate about. The thought of working for another company doesn’t excite me. In fact, it this was my only future option, I probably would not go back to work. Ugh!
So… I quieted my mind and thought about what I’ve always wanted to do. What dreams and goals have I hidden away? The answer came pretty quickly! I’ve always wanted to have my own business. What has changed over the years is what type of business I could have. I’ve had grand ideas about having a restaurant, to flipping houses, to owning a construction company, to motivational speaking, etc! These are all very dreamy dreams because I have no experience whatsoever in any of these industries other than what I see on T.V.
But, what has never left me is the dream to have my own, successful business. It doesn’t have to be large, but something I can be proud of. Here’s what I see in my daydreams… I can see myself smiling and happy. I’m proud of what I’ve built. I feel at peace and balanced. All of that because of a business I built on my own. My business is legit, it’s ethical, it’s of service, and something that comes from my heart. I have a business that taps into my creative and logical mind and I have a business that allows me freedom, and allows me to take care and support my family. Maybe, and if my kids are interested, maybe it’s even something I can include them in. A legacy business? How cool would that be?
Looking back, I fed into this business idea around 2013 or so. I got a business license when I started my authoring pursuits. If I haven’t mentioned before, I’m a self published author 🙂 When I started, friends advised that having a business license was a good idea. I did not object and got one.
Well… fast forward 10 years and yes, I’ve written books, but I have not treated my publishing business as a business. I have not spent the time to learning how to market my books, make sales, or scale the business to grow.
Basically in the last 10 years, 12 Angels Publishing has not grown from a state of infancy. After a decade, my little baby has not even developed. It’s still a little sapling, when it should at least be a young tree.
If I’m really honest with myself, 12 Angels Pub did not grow because I was too scared to treat it as a business. My problem is self-sabotage and fear. I’m really good at convincing myself not to do anything when I start to feel scared and worried. When the thought of how much work it would take and the possible problems I could run into… On and on…. My mind is excellent at coming up with all the worst case scenarios that tap into my fears of failure. My solution to this? I stop. I stop doing anything. It’s not a conscious decision, it just happens. But I think it’s my way of retreating into a space I know is safe.
Now that I’m looking back, it sort of feels like I’ve wasted 10 years. But there’s also a side of me that says mentally and spiritually — I wasn’t ready. But now? Something in me has shifted. I feel more ready to tackle the “what ifs” and push myself to face my fears. It’s not that I’ve suddenly gotten courageous, just writing and thinking about this is causing me anxiety, but it’s time… it feels right.
I’ve said in a prior post that at midlife, my time feels shorter. If I don’t try now, would I get another chance to reinvent myself? If I keep shrinking away? No, I won’t get another chance because I can see myself letting another 10 years fly by. But, if I can finally learn to face my fears, who knows?
There might be something pretty wonderful on the other side.
What will next year look like if I seriously work and commit to my goals? I don’t know, but I feel ready to try and find out.
What about you?
Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash
